2/26/12

Where movies are wrong...


I don't mean the Happy Ending. I really love a Happy Ending. The hero and heroine overcame all obstacles and finally found each other. They can finally seal their bound of happiness (in whatever way and be it just a kiss).
But then...the movie is over and we never find out how it actually worked afterwards.
Movies tell us that change is good and new beginnings are happy and favorable circumstances indeed.

Well, yes, they are. But still, the movie shouldn't end there. It should show that life afterwards is also hard. Maybe even harder in the beginning. Changing who you are and starting new somewhere else is a big enterprise for sure.

2/18/12

Light on the Horizon


My days in Heidelberg are over.
I returned the keys to my room in my shared apartment yesterday. Today the new girl moved in. She's really nice and all, but even tough we had a prior agreement that I could leave some of my stuff here for the next month as she is away for an internship, she changed her mind and asked me to remove my stuff as soon as possible.
Which totally threw me into a panic.
I have no car. I don't even have a real, permanent living place yet. I am totally in panic and pissed off, that she - as soon as she had the keys to my (now ex-)room was throwing me out. This is so typical Germany! Don't ever believe what you get promised here. If you don't have it on paper and signed - it is not valid.
Another proof that I am way too nice to most people around me. Or too naive. Or both. Most likely both.
So I started to throw away things that are perfectly in working order.
I would rather give them away - but no one really wants "old stuff" around here either.
Take my printer - it has a scanner and copy function, too - but is way too bulky to carry around and take with me by train.
Lots of bags (I'm a girl.) - gone.
One floor lamp and a desk lamp - gone.
Some books and magazines I wanted to read (I swear!) - gone.
Several pairs of shoes (one of which I'd bought in Japan) - gone.
Two pillows - gone.
Several pieces of kitchen equipment - gone. (At least I left those in the apartment kitchen.)
Old clothes - gone.
Old cosmetic stuff - gone.

For someone who lost a parent very early in life, letting go of so much stuff at once is really a hard thing and I've been eating chocolate the whole day. Letting alone the feeling of leaving something as precious behind as something called "home".

Yes. I admit it. Even though I always compared Heidelberg to my beloved Marburg and it always lost, I feel really odd now. I really feel the loss. Again. The same feeling I had when leaving Marburg behind. (I didn't really mention it before: I studied in Marburg for six years. And it's a magical place. Will show you pictures later.)

I don't feel at home yet at my new place. I just feel ... lonely. And I really hate this feeling. Even though I have confidence in conquering this and make this place my home, too, it is not going to be an easy task.

If anyone reading this has some tips about dealing with new places and finding new people to have fun with - be my guest and comment on this post, please.

Greetings!

2/13/12

Stöckchen von Koelschgirl


Koleschgirl has tagged me and I'm gladly answering her 11 questions: 

1.  Wenn es völlig egal wäre, ob du es dir leisten könntest, ob du Platz dafür hättest und ob es realistisch wäre, welches Tier hättest du gern als Haustier?

Ich war ein totales Pferde-Mädchen und habe diese wunderbaren Tiere vor allem gezeichnet. Aber meine Eltern haben auch von mir den unsagbaren Mädchen-Wunsch: "Ich will ein Pferd!!" gehört. Tja, ich würde dann wohl gerne ein Pferd umsorgen. Am liebsten einen Friesen. 
Alternativ könnte ich mir auch eine Alpaka-Herde vorstellen. Da hätte ich immer Nachschub zum Häkeln und Stricken (müsste aber vorher Spinnen lernen...).


2. Warst du während deiner Schulzeit beliebt oder Außenseiter?

Außenseiter. Ich war und bin etwas anders als die Anderen. 

3. Hast du schon mal etwas Übersinnliches erlebt? 

Jein. ;) 

4. Auf was könntest du auf gar keinen Fall verzichten?

Im Moment: Mein iPod touch und MAC Lippenstift/ Lipgloss. 

5. Wenn dir jemand 1000 Euro schenkt, die du aber sofort ausgeben müsstest, was würdest du kaufen?

Ein iPhone und eine neue Kamera. 

6. Essen: Gibt es etwas, was du als Kind gehasst hast, heute aber total gerne isst?

Oliven. 

7. Magst du deinen Vornamen und wenn du es dir aussuchen könntest, wie würdest du gern heißen?

Ich mag meinen Vornamen, habe aber auch Phasen durchgemacht, in denen ich andere Namen "ausprobiert" habe. Einer meiner Favoriten: Sandra. Und als ich dann mit Japanisch anfing: Chisa (Kurzform von Chisato.). (Witzigerweise kenne ich inzwischen wirklich eine Japanerin, die so heißt.) 

8.  Hast du Angst vor Spinnen?

Gib mir Frösche und ich finde sie niedlich und zum Knutschen. Gib mir Mäuse und Ratten - dito. Bei uns im Wald findet man auch manchmal noch Blindschleichen und Feuersalamander. Finde ich alle faszinierend. Nur Spinnen ---- da bekomme ich das Grauen und das Schreien. Meine Mutter musste mir einmal eine Ohrfeige verpassen, weil ich so geschrien habe und gar nicht mehr aufhören konnte. Denn ich sollte Wäsche zusammenlegen und im Waschkeller war in den Wäschekorb noch was anderes reingekrabbelt. Und das saß nun groß und schwarz, fett und haarig auf meinem Knie: Eine Hausspinne. (Also die größte Spinne, die man in unseren Breiten finden kann.) 
Ich finde vor allem die schnellen, unvorhersehbaren Bewegungen dieser Tierchen absolut zum Schreien (also zum hysterischen Gekreische.) Ist mir selbst echt peinlich, da ich ja eigentlich so Natur verbunden bin, aber bei Spinnen hört es leider auf. 

9. Eine "Schönheitsfee" würde dir einen Wunsch erfüllen, sofort und völlig schmerzfrei. Gibt es etwas, was du an dir verändern würdest?

Ich hätte eindeutig gerne Normalgewicht. Also weg mit dem Bauch und dem Speck! 

10. Wenn du dich nun umschaust, was fällt dir ganz spontan als erstes ins Auge?

Die ganzen Spinnweben in diesem Dachzimmer, das gerade meine provisorische Heimat ist. Ich würde sagen, hier wohnen eine ganze Menge Hausspinnen. Und ich würde auch sagen, dass die Nachts durchaus aktiv hier unterwegs sind. 

11. Liest du Bücher mehrmals oder nur einmal?

Mehrmals, aber nur wenn sie es wert sind. Und leider waren es das in letzter Zeit nicht wirklich viele. Die Flammende (Fire) von Kristin Cashore fand ich ziemlich gut und habe es inzwischen dreimal gelesen. Ansonsten lese ich immer wieder gerne Erich Kästner (Das doppelte Lottchen) und Astrid Lindgren (Ferien auf Saltkrokan). 


Danke für die Fragen! 
Die Zahl meiner Leser hält sich ja nach wie vor in Grenzen, von daher lade ich jeden der mag ein, Koelschgirls Fragen zu beantworten. :) 

2/8/12

What I'm living for...


Everyone everywhere around the world knows the feeling. The nagging sensation of restlessness that circles around you like a hungry dragon (sorry for this very bad metaphor...) and screams at you
"Why are you doing this?? What purpose does your life have?"

I felt quite good as an academic but couldn't cope too well with all the time management I had to do myself. So I ended up writing most of my graduation thesis and the little I wrote for my PhD late at night. Now I have to be at work till 8 am and may leave at 4 pm (but lately I end up staying till 5 or even 6 pm). I confess that I wasn't sure if I even wanted something like this. Working in a bureau. Doing paperwork. Writing mostly things I don't need to write (only copy).

I might not want to do this forever. But I like that I'm doing things that are needed. That my boss says "Thank you" and "Well done" when my work is okay. That my colleagues are nice and helpful.

And that I see things I haven't seen before.

Because I realized today:

I'm living to see things I've never seen before.

That's it. And it is enough.

Greetings to you!

2/6/12

Blog Anniversary Post: Why I chose the Arctic Fox

I started this blog exactly one year ago.
I had been thinking of starting a blog for a long, long, even longer time before.
But I always found excuses for not writing, like:
    - Blogging? Oh come on - everyone is doing that.
    - Blogging? I've got no content.
    - Blogging? I can't choose my language! (German - only Germans would read that. And even though
                        I'm German I get the feeling that my fellow Germans don't get me. Most of them
                        anyway.
                        Yes. It is a little bit sad. Don't really know where it comes from. )
   - Blogging? I won't be able to keep it up.
   - Blogging? No one is even going to read it.

But then, last year, when I was desperate and yearning for something meaningful to do, I started this little space of mine.

I called it "Arctic Fox Kitakitsune" because I once had read a story of a white fox in Hokkaido. Yes, it was a story in Japanese and it was one of the first things I've ever read in Japanese. (A japanese friend with whom I practiced had brought it with her and we talked about it.)
Sadly, I don't really recall the story. But I loved the sound of the word kitakitsune and I remember us discussing if the Hokkaido "north fox" (literal translation) actually is an arctic fox. I'm still not sure.
A second inspiration lies in my childhood. As most people born in the GDR I was totally into stories about the Wild West and Native Americans (yes, we called them Indians. I'm very sorry folks, but political correctness wasn't born in the GDR. For sure.). And don't ask me how a folk that couldn't travel to the actual Wild West even had the idea to make up stories, films, novels, and other stuff.
I was a little girl and desperately wanted to become a Native American sqaw. Yeah - I know. Totally realistic plan for the future.
So one day - my friend and I went out to find our totem. (You know - the natural spirit that protects you. Well, it turned out, mine was a fox. Don't ask me how I found out. I just knew.) (And NO, no harmful drugs were used to get this information as we were about 6 or 7 years then.)

This is why I choose the white little fox. I planned on making him more prominent in the blog, but didn't manage.

Looking back at my first year it becomes apparent that I really didn't know where to go and what and how much to show to you guys. I tried to do some cat content every now and then - but actually my cat is quite boring and I don't get many new pictures from him. (But he's so cute...)

My picture archive from Japan was quite popular with the folk out there, so I'll keep that coming in the near future. But as I try to get readers from all around the world, Germany also can be an exotic spot, so I will try to catch pics from the life in Munich and the Bavarian countryside for you.

Happy news for you picture lovers: I'll be sure to invest in a new camera as soon as I manage to save some money.

My DIY-posts were the most popular by far. (I actually took another quick and easy DIY on Christmas Eve but never managed to post it. Will do so in the near future!) So I'll keep them coming. Hopefully. (I don't want to copy DIY. I want to do my own out of respect for all the great creative bloggers out there. But it really takes some time to come up with something new.)

So. let's start the second year! Welcome in my foxy world.
-

2/2/12

Cupcake Content




Time is flying by. My work days seem to get longer. (I worked over ten hours on two days this week.)
I got my first pay check (yay me!).

Unfortunately, time for taking pictures was scarce. And last saturday, when I decided to visit Munich, the weather was really bad. So I went to a nice, small Cupcake café and had a really great cupcake! (It was my first real cupcake as places that sell cupcakes are really, really scarce in Germany.)

Tomorrow I'll leave early for my first one day business trip.

Hope you guys are doing great.

Greetings.